Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Friday, February 14, 2014
Thursday, February 13, 2014
I swear, the devil himself has the easiest job ever here this morning. I am in a fantastic mood this morning (yes thats sarcasm Sheldon), and to top it off, the dog decided to get himself off his chain outside and go for a stroll around the neighborhood. (Dont worry folks, he only uses it to go potty because we dont have a fence. He isnt left on it.) I feel awful. Just defeated today. So much to do, so little motivation to do it. My depression has been trying to take over. Again. Ugh. I am so over winter. It is always worse in winter. Short days and being cooped up inside make me crazy. I need sunshine and to be outside. But even then its not always enough.
Its a new day, a new chance to get done what needs to be done. A new chance to move forward. And most importantly, a new chance to love those around me. Wish me luck y'all! I'm going to need it to make it through today!
Monday, January 27, 2014
A few weeks ago I started reading a blog called A Slob Comes Clean , and totally fell for her style of blogging. She just put herself out there. She used her blog as a way to communicate to herself, not just others. And in the process, she found a community of people who had the same issues she did, who felt the same, who wanted to do the same things are her, and wanted to support her. She has inspired me to work harder as a wife, as a mom, and as a friend. To grow, both spiritually and in my actions.
Today especially, my heart hurts. It seems like the last few weeks has been more bad news after more bad news. Majority of it does not affect my family directly, but some does. Its the shootings at malls and schools, the orphans and widows in Syria, the drugs found too close to home, the girls being trafficked through my very own city, friends whose marriages are ending, an aunt, friend, and child battling cancer, the anxiety of bills that need to be paid, soldiers who aren't coming home, people out in the bitter cold with no place to go... the list just keeps growing. And my heart is heavy with it all.
And yet, it fuels me. I want to pray over and be there for the friend who doesn't know what will happen to her marriage. I want to send a card to the wives who are burying their husbands and tell them how much I love them and how so very sorry I am for their loss. I want to teach my kids how to be good friends that lift up their peers so that no one in their life every feels the need to bring a gun to school. I want to trust God that the provision to pay the bills will be there. I want to volunteer my time to help end human trafficking. I want to visit the kid in prison and tell him its going to be ok, there is hope. Hope in a savior who loves us and is always faithful. I want to feed, clothe, strengthen, and empower the homeless vet with no place to call his own.
And mostly, I want to be a better wife and mom.
Not perfect. Please notice I didn't say PERFECT, but better.
There are places I am lacking. there are areas in my life that I am straight up failing at. And that hurts. And I want to do better. I'm not sure how though. I know that I need to just trust that God has a bigger plan. Sometimes that's easier said than done. The only thing I can do is just keep moving forward. One very small step at a time.This week that means putting a big focus on my family and those closest to me. Putting a focus on building up my husband, and my marriage. Striving to seek out the best in my kids and not just telling them what they are doing wrong.
I know that I will fail this week.
I know it will not be easy to put aside the fear and hurt.
I know that no matter what, I must keep moving forward.
I must keep praying and seeking God. Striving to bring Him praise and glory.
Then maybe, just maybe, my heart won't hurt so much.
So after posting this, I saw tonight's blog post from IF:Gathering. HELLO GOD SPEAKING STRAIGHT TO MY HEART! Thank you God for giving me an outlet. I pray I will use it more and that it will help more than just my own heart.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
We have been back in KC for ten months. That number is almost as hard for me as his anniversary. We miss New York still, our friends, our old life. I have been trying desperately to keep moving forward, but I admit, its insanely difficult. Some days are easier than others. Like its fabulous to be home to help celebrate my nieces first birthday, and to go to Royals games, and to plant a real garden.... There is still so much that feels unfinished though. We left in such a hurry. So many things have just been figured out over the last couple of months. Some things are still being sorted out. (ie: VA dependent pay. We had to involve our congressman, its still "pending"). I am still struggling to find my niche. To find out what I am suppose to be working on. Jeremy is plugging away at school with a specific goal in mind. Its hard to not have a specific goal, just a broad one: Get involved in some organization that I can make a difference in. HELLO HUGE GOAL THAT MAKES IT FEEL IMPOSSIBLE TO ACCOMPLISH. We want to be involved with organizations that help other wounded soldiers. We want to be involved in more local ministries. Yet there seems to be no good way to start. Its hard to plug into organizations that really only look at wounded warriors as soldiers who have lost limbs or have obvious disabilities. Jeremy's disabilities are impossible to see if you don't know what to look for. Civilians still take a step back when you tell his story. Like its contagious. Like he might go into some PTSD rage at any moment. News flash! My husband doesnt have PTSD. Thank you Jesus. It was one of my biggest prayers during deployments. That not only would God guard his body, but also his mind.
Anywho.... This is our life right now.
|Mustache stickers go with everything|
|My lil Luke Bryan fan.|
|My 30th birthday dinner. They had Cheesecake for dessert. Can you tell?!|
|Meeting baby Grady for the first time.|
|In Topeka to see another Jessica!|
|THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!|
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
(ps: sorry about the crappy picture. I have yet to hang these in the new house and this is the only pic I have of them hanging in the old one! eeek! I will post an update once I get them up here!! Thanks for understanding!!!!!)
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Hows that new years resolution going? .....Yea mine either. I say that because I am guessing you are like me and still struggling to keep going with it. I wanted one small thing: to write in my journal EVERY SINGLE DAY. Even just two sentences. I'm only 7 for 14. Whoops!!! So here is my challenge for you. Well actually there are two parts. 1) forgive yourself & keep trying. I know it sounds too easy but seriously, I guilt the heck out of myself when I fail at a goal. I need to forgive myself & keep moving forward. 2) Encourage someone in your life with their resolution. We all know how important it is to have people cheering us on when we make changes. Especially hard ones. So call that friend who is trying to get back in shape and ask her to go for a walk. Buy that friend who stopped smoking a pack of gum. Offer to make a meal for the friend who wants to learn to cook healthier. Make sure to include the recipe! By encouraging others around you, you may just find the motivation or returned encouragement you need for your own goals. Good luck!! This weeks preview: Wednesday: cheap wall art! Friday: Pumpkin bread muffins. I know its more of a fall thing but I love it all year!!!